Being a military spouse can be a challenging role for many, even those who have also served in the armed forces. Air Force veteran Megan Della Rossa was a staff sergeant who served in various roles, including in maintenance data analysis, personnel, and retention. She was also a specialist in the Airman & Family Readiness Program. Her spouse is Air Force Master Sgt. Dane Della Rossa of the Minnesota National Guard’s Duluth-based 148th Fighter Wing’s Aviation Maintenance Squadron. They have four children —Delaney, 10; Elijah, 7; Beau, 7; and Jace, 5.

Being a mother with young children and having a spouse deployed or away at training is a tough situation Della Rossa said, especially when her husband is an active and involved parent and spouse.

“He’s an incredible father and our kids love him so much. He’s the one that gets on the ground and wrestles with them, has Nerf wars, bounces on the trampoline, and is just overall really good at playing.” she said. “So, when he’s away, my kids are longing for it and I can try my hardest to fill that gap, but it’s difficult when you’re also dealing with all of the day-to-day tasks, appointments, phone calls, paperwork, and work. And I won’t forget to mention that I miss my spouse, too. I miss our connection and our companionship. I miss having him there to lean on. So not only am I missing my spouse, but I’m also trying to be there for my kids as they miss their father.”

Although carrying her family through difficult times while her husband is away is far from easy, there are positive aspects to being a military spouse, including the opportunity to connect with other military families.

“We get each other. We understand what we’re going through for the most part,” Della Rossa said. “We can talk about the highs, lows, and everything in between without confusing each other with acronyms and terms that civilian families would not likely know.”

Her advice to other military spouses who may be struggling is to understand that no one is perfect or knows exactly how to get through the challenges of managing the home front while their partner is gone.

“Each experience is unique to you and your family every single day,” Della Rossa said. “Just keep showing up, support your spouse as much as you can, and receive support as much as you can.”

Della Rossa also recommends that spouses remember their role in helping their loved ones remain safe while they are deployed.

“Another tip I think that is so important is to keep locations, date, and times related to deployments and trips confidential,” she said. “Do not share any of it on social media that your spouse is gone or when they’re getting back. We don’t want to put their mission in jeopardy and let that information fall into the wrong hands.”

Having served in the military for seven years and experiencing a deployment for herself, Della Rossa understands the challenges faced by both spouses and their service members.

“Having been deployed, and now also having gone through several deployments where my spouse is the one that’s gone, I can tell you that being the one at home is by far the hardest, at least for me,” she said.
“We have a lot that falls on our shoulders. Try to simplify your life as much as you can prior to a deployment. Don’t go getting a puppy or more animals to take care of. Don’t volunteer yourself for events that you don’t need to. Make sure you leave space for yourself to breathe — or heck, just stare at a wall for an hour. Accept help as much as you can. You matter.”

One thing Della Rossa would like the public to know about military spouses is that they are strong and resilient, but also in need of support.

“We like to think we have it all together,” she said. “Please check in on your military spouses while their service member is deployed. Stop by, hang out, let them vent, bring them a coffee and/or a meal. We’re trying to do it all and it’s not easy. Knowing that we have that support from our friends, family, and community is huge.”

For employers and community members that know of a military spouse who is trying to balance life while their service member is gone, Della Rossa has some advice.

“Employers, be as flexible as you can and extend all the grace possible,” she said. “An employee will perform so much better if they feel appreciated and seen. Community members, be kind. If you know a military spouse going through a deployment or extended period of time while their service member is gone, send them a card to let them know you haven’t forgotten about them. Get them a gift card to treat themselves. Ask them how you can support them right now.”

To Della Rossa, the Month of the Military Spouse observance is a reminder that those holding down the fort at home are remembered and appreciated.

“There’s a lot that comes with being a military spouse — long hours, extra trainings, temporary duties, deployments, exercises, and events,” she said. “While we did say ‘yes’ to this when we said ‘yes’ to our spouse, it’s still a heavy load to carry. It’s a nice feeling knowing that it doesn’t all go unnoticed.”

Story by Cristina Oxtra & Sgt. 1^st Class Sirrina Martinez
Minnesota National Guard Public Affairs