The Month of the Military Child is observed in April to highlight the role of military children in the armed forces community and provide a way to recognize and show support for them. In Minnesota, there are more than 16,000 children who have at least one parent serving in the military.

Minnesota National Guard Army Sgt. 1st Class Joseph Kolle, who is assigned to the 175th Forward Support Company in Appleton, Minnesota, and his wife, Janelle, have two children, Orin, 12, and Cullen, 10. Janelle said military children need to have a connection and purpose to their role because they give up so much and a great deal is expected of them.

“These kids are serving alongside their family members too, with pride, but without choice they end up giving up more than anyone can fully define,” she said. “For us personally, it’s missed conversations, skipped traditions, a lack of spontaneous moments. It’s the emotional toll, consistently unknown schedules. It’s the feeling of being different, the expectation to be stronger, bigger, braver, smarter, and manage loneliness and disappointment.”

There is also the challenge of having a parent away from home for long periods of time.

“Only having Mom, I don’t get to do all the things. I have to help more with chores,” said Orin, who doesn’t plan to join the military in the future because he said “there is too much stress for families.”

His younger brother Cullen said he feels lonely when he’s apart from their dad and he fears for his dad’s and other soldiers’ safety. His mom helps him cope.

“The distance is hard, but we send packages to dad, they are fun to do, and Mom is the best at them,” Cullen said.

The demands on military children can take its toll, so Janelle provides her children with opportunities for creating moments of laughter, maximizing relationships, and finding joy in the little things. She also ensures her children feel they are part of their dad’s military career decision and offers them a mission of their own.

“One that meets their age and maturity level,” Janelle said. “When our boys feel a sense of understanding, it gives them a purpose to be proud of. Attending military youth focused events, camps, the military museums, the Minnesota 9/11 memorial, deployment dinners, unit family picnics, and holiday parties address some of their unique needs.”

“We did the Vikings Day event before dad left,” Orin said. “I saw there were lots of kids sending parents away too. It’s important to know.”

Cullen enjoyed a family day at his dad’s work.

 “It’s good to know what he does and think he is safe,” he said.

While the military community offers many activities in which military youth can participate, Janelle noted a need for more support in schools and communities, and she encourages parents to help address this.

“We recently ended a deployment for my husband and felt like I was on an island during this time. I shared with the schools about this time of deployment and transition in hopes of a partnership to build my children a village of trusted adults,” Janelle said. “I did the research and provided talking points to teachers. I gave the schools things to look for at this time. I did the research on how to best support the military youth in their school. I did the work because our military youth needs advocates for challenges around military service. I did what I could to educate and fill the gap.”

Janelle also reached out to the Big Brothers Big Sisters of America, which found military-connected volunteer mentors who could relate with her sons.

Orin and Cullen said schools and communities can do more to support military children and families.

“They could have a person to talk to and have it be a person who knows the military,” Orin said. “It could be a person to talk to the military kids about world stuff, bringing us together.”

Cullen also suggested recognizing military children.

 “And do things special for them, veterans program at school, show kindness,” he said.

Prior to moving to Benton County, the Kolles lived in Crow Wing County, where Janelle and a school district’s community education leader launched a military youth club for elementary and middle school military-connected students that met once a week. Businesses in the community sponsored the club’s activities and covered costs, such as supplies and a snack for each meeting. Any military connected child could participate for free.

“It is our responsibility to each other and the youth to fill in the gaps and address these identified areas of struggle,” Janelle said. “We need to build the tool kit to help ease the weight of military service for our own and educate along the way.”

To celebrate Month of the Military Child, the Kolles will attend the Minnesota National Guard Child & Youth Program’s annual Purple Up festivities at the Mall of America on April 25 for the first time. The annual Purple Up: Twin Cities event brings military youth and their families the opportunity to enjoy music, character appearances, giveaways, treats, rides at Nickelodeon Universe provided by Mall of America, and more. Purple is the official color of the military child. It is a combination of all the colors of the U.S. Armed Forces — Air Force, Navy, and Coast Guard blues, Army green, and Marine Corps red.

“We are looking forward to seeing the joy in the kids and honoring their service and sacrifice,” Janelle said.

Despite the hardships, Orin and Cullen are happy to be part of a military family.

“I get to do fun things, and I get to tell others about my dad,” said Cullen, who might consider serving in the military one day. “I don’t want to cook, and they feed you. I want to do cool things and see new places.”

“I have strong relationships with my family. My mom and dad are strong,” Orin said. “I get to feel proud of my support to dad, and the military is proud of me.”

By Cristina Oxtra

Minnesota National Guard Public Affairs