The Month of the Military Spouse is observed in the United States every May to honor the contributions and sacrifices of military spouses.

Lauren Shegstad is one of the almost 10,000 military spouses of active duty, National Guard, and Reserve service members in Minnesota. She and her husband, Air Force Tech. Sgt. Nicholas (Nick) Shegstad, 133rd Airlift Wing Maintenance Squadron, have been married for 11 years. They have three children – Landen, 11, Kinsley, 8, and Cedar, 6.

Military life includes many challenges for both the military spouse and the service member.

“The unknown is one of the biggest challenges and trying to find people who understand and relate to the military family lifestyle,” Lauren said. “Along with the sacrifice you have to make as a spouse and watching the sacrifice your children make.”

“I worry about leaving Lauren to handle everything on her own,” Nick said. “I know that she can handle it, but I also know that it can be very stressful. When it’s been a tough day at home, there is no tapping out with me so that she can take a break.”

Nick has been deployed eight times, four of which were while being married with children.

“I wouldn’t say that it’s ever easy to have your spouse leave for any amount of time and each new deployment brings its own unique set of challenges, especially with kids,” Lauren said. “All three of our children have special needs and that itself brings their own challenges, physically and emotionally. When routines form a sense of safety, deploying changes all that up. You have to rebuild that both from the deployment and rebuilding upon returning.”

Lauren pointed out that military spouses are tough and can weather through any difficulties.

“We are strong and resilient, kind of our own breed of warrior,” Lauren said. “We have immense pride and respect for what our spouses do.”

But Lauren suggested military spouses should be open to asking for and accepting help, as well as building and using a good support system. She also hopes more connections can be established between military families and the people in their communities and workplaces.

“Being we live in a Guard state, it feels we don’t have the same tight military community that’d make it easier to connect with other military families or to get support from other spouses and even kids,” Lauren said. “It would be nice to see more events hosted to connect families and different community programs, like Beyond the Yellow Ribbon. and maybe drawing in new partnerships that could support families during times of deployment.”

Established in 2008, Beyond the Yellow Ribbon, known also as BTYR, maintains an extensive community and corporate network to meet the needs of Minnesota’s veterans and service members of all branches and their families. There are currently 50 BTYR community networks and 87 corporate partners across the state.

Lauren appreciates the Northeast Metro Beyond the Yellow Ribbon and its chair, Dorothy Radermacher, a Vietnam veteran spouse, for the support she and the community network has provided to her family through the years. At this time, as Lauren’s brother is currently undergoing treatment for cancer and Nick prepares to deploy for the ninth time, the Shelstad’s are thankful to have BTYR in their corner to help them.

“God has truly blessed us through Nick’s deployments with the incredible connections we have made with our local Beyond the Yellow Ribbon,” Lauren said. “Dorthey Radermacher of BTYR has not only helped our family in times of need but has been an advocate for us and our military community. That relationship is priceless in a moment of crisis when you feel all alone.”

Nick is pleased to know that there is a Month of the Military Spouse observance every year and more should be done to recognize military spouses.

“I feel that more emphasis would be great with more opportunities to celebrate spouses more publicly,” he said. “Lauren has been truly amazing throughout the 11 years we’ve been together. She is there helping me pack my bags, making sure I am not missing anything, including things I’d never think of, and she is there helping me when I annoyingly wake her up at 4:30 in the morning because I can’t find some part of my uniform. She is truly my biggest supporter. My life would be a mess without her.”

Story by Cristina Oxtra

Minnesota National Guard Public Affairs